


ur boy is venting

by srahsmiless



Category: sarah i guess lol idk this is just a vent haha
Genre: F/M, dnf references lol, heat waves reference, help me, im not actually. im bi, no beta we die like men, sorry - Freeform, this is a vent tbh, wow wow im so straight ew
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27591595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srahsmiless/pseuds/srahsmiless
Summary: i am venting on the internet because i am at school and i do not trust the school google docs.
Relationships: me and da homies yessir ily c & s mwah mwah, me and my ex (unfortunately)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. number 1 yee yee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maybe my ex](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=maybe+my+ex).



> hi im sorry don't read this also i kinda talk about dreamnotfound and reference the heat waves fanfic so if ur uncomfy don't read.

hold on i gotta fix the formatting on this brb :)

November 16, 2020

alright all the sites are blocked except ao3 and i don't think im ready to publish all my feelings on the internet. time to write in the notepad. ok ok pack it up dream /j /j  
wow i am really feeling the whole dream vibe rn, writing about a person i like in my notepad.... goddamn.

i talk to snap so much more. we've both made jokes about our previous experiences with each other and he's clearly comfortable bringing up memories of the past. why? it's unclear to me why he doesn't mind but. whatever. maybe i'll make an anon account on ao3 or wattpad and post this in some sort of dnf format.

god, i told myself i would get over him but look where we are! and he defends me when i get into arguments and pulls up evidence to back me up and when L's boyfriend shows up he asks if i want to leave the vc to go in a private one because he knows that L's boyfriend makes me uncomfortable. i asked him when he became nice and he brought up that time while we were together where i said he made me cry by being nice. god L wants us to get together again so badly. ill just have to pine for him by myself i guess. i talked to him when i stargazed last night. he had to go halfway through but it was nice while it lasted. god god god why can't i just get over him? im so upset. looking through old conversations of us doesn't really help but if it happens it happens i guess. it's like. we make new inside jokes every time we vc, it's insane. I stayed away for WEEKS trying to get over him and all i get is this? thinking about him while i listen to sad love songs at night? i guess so. i even changed my hair and still..

ugh. why am i like this. why can't i move on. why do my friends trying to set me up with someone make me uncomfortable. why is he flirting with me again. i remember how he flirts. it's the same. it's the same and i'm falling for it again. again! after i told myself i wouldn't! i spend 20k to buy a fishing rod because he complained about me not fishing with him, we've been mutual #1 friends on snap for a few weeks now and.. it all feels so similar, yet not. i feel like i let myself slip up and i end up saying something that would make me blush at his response. it's fucking stupid. S knows. L doesn't but she hopes. C knows. i don't know how to feel. fuck fuck fuck. yeah i'll swear in here idc i do what i want the government cannot stop me acab. he listens to me rant about american things like politics and doesn't even complain about it. i tell him about all my parental issues, and my life and i tell him when i cry and... he listens. he remembers things about me that i don't remember telling him. he knows things about me that even people Ike C (my best friend) and S (friend for 10 years) don't know. i trust him to know. of course i trust S but she... she might tell someone something as a joke and.. C... i fully trust C. with my life. but him? he's different, y'know? just.. he's the person i turn to when it's late at night and im alone. when i wake up i check snap for something from him. god, it's bad. i talk to him for hours on vc and in dms. it's.. relaxing almost? because i tell him everything, he already knows what im talking about. i can say "L is still trying to set me up with FF" and he knows what i mean by that and just.. C wouldn't. i don't know if im afraid if i lose him that everyone will know everything. He doesn't tell me too much but i dump my feelings a lot. and it's scary honestly. knowing that someone is out there on another continent who knows me better than i know myself. not much happened since we split so there isn't much he doesn't know. but. yeah.. well. he doesn't know about the whole doctor's office visit but. with time i'm sure i'll end up dumping it on him. Heat waves is stuck in my head. i guess the song can apply in this situation. ok this is a little too close for comfort what the fuck. i don't know if we knew each other in june but. maybe. 

i mean what are the chances of him finding my ao3 account and reading the one fic i have published?


	2. what the fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so much has happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh holy shit

hey besties! it's been a HOT minute since i wrote in here, and so much has happened, it's insane. right so, the two of us continued to flirt for a few months and december 14 we got back together! woo! yyeah anyways the relationship was going great until like 2 weeks in, he started talking to me less, always saying that he was talking with other friends, and i was like "yeah, dw it's cool! have fun!" and then he doesn't talk to me for like a week and i finally say something about it and he ARGUES with me about it, and makes up excuses and shit. anyways, eventually, (a few weeks after) i tell L, because she's the only person i really talked to at the time, and she tries to talk to him about it for me. he blows her off like 7 times and eventually he just tells both of us to stop messaging him about it. january 7th, i break up with him. so yeah. back to pretending that i don't have feelings for him, while i remember all the times we had together and i set my discord status to some vague song lyric that 100% has something to do with him. god i just don't know where i fucked up. what did i do? i don't. it doesn't make sense.


End file.
